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5 things to do while lining up for your race !
Blow your nose and offer the competition a look at the tissue.
Fart loudly.
Blow spit bubbles.
Show the other swimmers your latest oozing wound.
Babble insanely whilst rolling your eyeballs.
Eating your way ro success
The Ilkeston swimmer is entering his first gala, naturally nervous he tells his coach that he's worried about being sick on the blocks. The coach helpfull as ever tells him, "Hey no worries, just eat 2 pounds of stewed tomatoes before you line up for the race."
The Ilkeston swimmer asks, "You mean all those tomatoes will stop me being sick ? "
The coach laughs, " No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
A joke sent in from the transylvanian swimming team.
A vampire bat returned to the swimming club cave covered in blood ready to settle down for a well earned rest.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to knock off and let him get some sleep but they wouldn't leave him be.
" Ok ! " he said exasperated, " Follow me. " and he flew out the cave with all the other bats eagerly following him.
Down the valley they went, across the river and deep into a forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him.
" See that tree over there ? " he asked.
" Yes, yes, yes! " the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
" Good, " said the first bat, " Because I didn't ! "
RECORD BREAKERS
How about setting yourself this target, to win 9 Olympic gold medals, Mark Spitz of the USA did it in the 68 and 72 games.
So you think you're a distance swimmer, beat this, 1,826mls by Fred Newton, he was in the water for 742 hrs !
Crossing the English Channel is quick and easy by ferry so why did Alison Streeter swim it 32 times ? Well it's a record, she did it between 1982 and 1995.
We don't know if she was being chased, but the fastest time to swim Loch Ness, that's 22.7mls, is 9hrs 25mins and 37secs by Rachel Godburn in 1995.
Strange but true! ish.
When John isn't coaching he earns a living as a bowling ball.
Lookalikes
They say everyone has got a double.
Well this cartoon was actualy based on one of our club members
Any ideas? E-Mail your answer and win loadsa stuff.
Got
any good jokes 
Send them in..........
